Those leaves are dying.
If I could choose how I leave the world, it would be as a beautiful yellow leaf. Before you freak out, let me explain. When most things die, people are either sad because they loved them or happy because they want them gone. A loved one dies- that makes people sad. A mosquito dies- that makes people happy. The death of the leaf makes people happier because they loved it. Nothing else that I can think of does that.
I have actually been working on this post for about two weeks, and I've been vacillating with regards to publishing it. However, I am going to publish this (as you can see) because we cannot avoid death.
So why avoid talking about it?
Death is what makes my life beautiful. Not the actual experience of losing a loved one. I have experienced enough loss to know that it is always unalterably devastating. It takes a piece of a heart that will never again be filled. Still, isn't loving someone so deeply that losing them causes literal pain its own form of beauty? As awful as death is, knowing that I will eventually lose the people I love most is part of what drives me to appreciate every beautiful and special thing about them. It makes me truly cherish our time together, and it drives me to overcome even the most painful of offenses.
But that's not really what I am talking about. The beauty in mortality, to me, is the vitality it adds to existence. If I knew I was going to live forever, I would be far less likely to embrace moments with the potential to be exhilarating. Though I would like to think that I would still drop whatever I was doing and go running through a thunderstorm or dance like a fool in a department store when my favorite song comes on the radio, I doubt it would give me the same feeling. There is no urgency when you have all the time in the world.
The fact of the matter is, I will not live forever. Death will stop for me even if I will not stop for him (thank you Ms. Dickinson). Why not face that fact head on? If we have to live with death, why not really LIVE with it? Stop sweating little things that don't really matter in the long run and appreciate everything beautiful that we are blessed to experience for a blink in time. That's what I choose.
